I think I should take up dancing

I am a person absolutely blessed with books.  I've always, because of libraries, and recently because of tablets and e-readers and the nearness of several book stores, been someone with books. 

In the condo building, there are a number of bookshelves, where I often go to pass on a couple of books and find myself coming back with the same number of interesting ones left by other readers.  I forgive myself for that.

Since Dave has been gone, I find myself with 5 books on the go at once, none of which I'm making much progress with, and for some reason that made it seem OK to pick up some books at Chapters from their 3 for $10.00 table.

I'm going to put bookmarks (I love bookmarks too) in all the books I'm reading right now and make an effort to finish one of the bunch. I don't know how to choose among the Young Adult, the classic, the edgy mystery, the 8th in a series by a Canadian author or the one about life in the age of Queen Victoria.

And David, if you're reading this, I hold you responsible. 

The shortest movie review ever

I just watched a movie called "About Time". 

I am not great at reviewing a movie, as some of my friends are, because I tend to expect that everything I see will be a good movie, and often I'm right.  When I'm not, I get over it.

However, I wish I could have another experience as warm, as funny, as touching, as absolutely wonderful as watching "About Time" was.

Since writing that, I've gone to look at reviews, and found that other people have been able to do what I wish I could, and they all loved it too.

Just in case I need to

I have just gone through 8 pages of very helpful descriptions of how to get things done on my laptop.  I believe the descriptions were helpful, but not for me. I don't fall into the group that benefits from that particular set of instructions.  I thought it would be good to know about screenshots.  Read about them, got lost at line 3 and moved on to taking photos with my webcam. My webcam, which I turned off about three years ago is now on but I can't seem to either take a photo or get back to the place where I can turn it off.  I am so thankful that Emily is coming over Friday night.

In the interim, I am hoping not to do anything, anywhere in the house, that I wouldn't share with family and friends.

Deep self exploration, she said with deep sarcasm

Well, today I tried my first order of groceries online-to-be-delivered.  Actually, I was amazed at the clarity of the site and the availability of grocery-sort-of stuff.  I used my list on the whiteboard to keep me from just going for the things I already loved or would love to try.  It's pathetic that I feel proud of that.

Just to balance that, I'm including something of which I am genuinely proud:  a photo of us with Asith, also known as our son, and his wife Sonia.  This was taken almost a year ago, and I can still remember the warmth.

self-exploration

This is not a sad story....just a list of a couple of things that have left me wondering about my ability to run a house by myself, especially when I'm the only one living in it.

• Dave and I have been working to get more educated about the many possibilities connected to our smartphones, and one of the recent things is to take a photo of our shopping list which we keep on an old dry-erase tablet on the fridge door. I went out today and actually left my phone in the house so that I had neither phone nor shopping list with me.  In my distress at having forgotten what I wanted before I left, I actually bought things I didn't know I wanted, but few of the things that were on the list.
• We recently bought two full-length cupboards that are nailed to the wall in the bathroom.  We found that we have shampoos, conditioners, face creams, assorted paper products, sunscreen and towels both in the new cupboard, and in the cupboard they used to be in, where we hoped to store other things. When I was out shopping today, I actually bought new (but improved) sunscreen!
• Because I fear to have people think I'm helpless, when they offer support, I say "Oh thanks, everything is fine" and now I have a cupboard in the front hall that I can't use because there is no pole on which to hang stuff.., and two full-length mirrored front hall doors stashed behind my desk, which I find distracting, and causes me to check and see if my lipstick is still pinkish.
• Since Dave is away, I have eaten the last of the ice cream we had, so I bought a small insulated bag that would let me bring ice cream home on the bus.  I got distracted by sesame croissants and forgot to buy ice cream. The helpful cashier put my milk in the insulated bag and it was still cold when I got home. Small win. 

Live with the consequences?

I'm feeling lonely.  Or is it lonesome?

Here's the possible difference:
A lonesome person has hope, a lonely person, not so much. But generally, lonely is meant to mean lack of companionship and personification of that lack (e.g. Houses cannot be lonely unless it is personified), whereas lonesome signifies something desolate, secluded or solitary like a lonesome house.

I'm still not sure, but I know that I'd rather not be either of these.  And I don't know whether I'm doing something or not doing something that might change how I'm feeling.  Or do I have to try to change how other people are feeling towards me?

For example, last night I had planned to go to a bar downtown and see a musician I like both for his music and for himself.  It was in my calendar.  What I actually did was watch many, many episodes of Grace and Frankie on Netflix because I had convinced myself that I might get to that bar and not know a soul.

Just writing that makes me really uncomfortable, but it's not the first time I've planned something interesting and possibly fun only to stay home for no good reason.

What do you think?  Is this something that a woman of my age should be able to overcome, or is it something people grow into?