Sunday, 25 August 2019

When things don't work the way you planned

I don't carry around big heavy things anywhere; I only do half or less of the cooking; I take pretty good care of the house, David and my self, and rejoice in the strength I have for my age. So I was really pissed when I was not well yesterday, and it carried over to today.

Emma Spinney
Today is the Ottawa Pride Parade, which I have walked in every year since 2007, and many of those years with one of my daughters, and as years went on, with my great or grand-daughters, most lately with Emma, one of my grand-daughters. Today I wasn't well enough to go.

Except for the 40 some years I daily took anti-depressant medication, I have always been a big laughing and a big crying person and today, having to miss walking in the Ottawa Pride Parade, I've been surprising myself with the grief I feel at being home, not dressed  as I usually would be during Ottawa Pride, in something covered in gender-diversity buttons and ribbons, but in some ordinary pants and shirt without a single rainbow in the room, other than the tattooed one on my right wrist, and crying whenever I see Facebook posts of today's Capital Pride Parade.

I tried to keep my spirits up by watching a movie I'd always remembered as a joyful one, which shows how wrong we can be about our attempts to beat sadness when we're not working from a solid happy place.  La La Land, the movie, had always made me think about how many ways there are to manage your life to be happy but today it reminded me of how hard it is sometimes to let go of the choices that, in later sight, could have been made better.

This is not a place where I want to be today.

Dave, wine and chocolate, here I come.

Sunday, 18 August 2019

Lesson Learned, Maybe

I'm having a day!

A weird day.

The first weird thing happened when I'd finished my breakfast of Kellogg Nourish which I'd chosen instead of brioche buns (I know!!)  when I realized that one of the two coffee cups that I use was not in the cupboard, on the counter or in the dishwasher. I started a search, then a serious look-at-every-surface, which in a condo doesn't take too long. The cup was nowhere. I decided that a touch-everything was in order and walked over to the window so as to start from the north end and move through the whole place.  On the way, I caught my foot in the little rug near the door, fell against the shelving and found the glass cup right after the cold coffee had landed on my knees. Why would I have left a cup of cold coffee there? Why had I not thought when I was searching that the shelves by the window had a "surface"?

I should have seen danger and just made a fresh coffee and read a book.  That's usually what I do every day after breakfast.

Instead, I decided to wash my hair. The same hair that I had washed last night because I'd been out in the rain (again, I know!)  We have lots of various shampoos because Dave is Dave and our grandchildren don't want to use shampoo that's especially for senior women, so when I was looking, I came across a tube of  Scintallant Orchid, a temporary colour shimmer spray. Did I have fun! And did I learn that "temporary" certainly does not mean you can wash it out right after you see that Scintillant Orchid makes you look about 10 years older. So, since I was still in the bathroom, I cut the hair at the back of my neck, tried a new foundation, slid a blue eyeliner over my lashes (I should have known better) and cut my toenails. Ouch!!

Clean but somewhat lacking in judgment, I sat at the computer, only to find that if I try to post anything on Facebook, it is posted to my daughter Emily's account. She always forgives me, but I thought I'd just use what little judgment I had left to blog instead.

I can't wait for dinner and an evening which probably includes trying to remember how to get Netflix.