Except for the 40 some years I daily took anti-depressant medication, I have always been a big laughing and a big crying person and today, having to miss walking in the Ottawa Pride Parade, I've been surprising myself with the grief I feel at being home, not dressed as I usually would be during Ottawa Pride, in something covered in gender-diversity buttons and ribbons, but in some ordinary pants and shirt without a single rainbow in the room, other than the tattooed one on my right wrist, and crying whenever I see Facebook posts of today's Capital Pride Parade.
I tried to keep my spirits up by watching a movie I'd always remembered as a joyful one, which shows how wrong we can be about our attempts to beat sadness when we're not working from a solid happy place. La La Land, the movie, had always made me think about how many ways there are to manage your life to be happy but today it reminded me of how hard it is sometimes to let go of the choices that, in later sight, could have been made better.
This is not a place where I want to be today.
Dave, wine and chocolate, here I come.