Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Let's Get This Straight.

I'm beginning to feel invisible.  It's weird.

I know that I am pulling back from people, which doesn't mean I don't like them, only that sometimes facing people is more than I can do, and that applies to family as well as friends.

I've felt tempted to write about this---to try to find out what I really think is happening, but that seems attention-seeking and pathetic.  On the other hand, I'm not working it out for myself, so maybe another perspective would be useful.

I do know that part of my reticence is linked to my increasing inability to find words that ought to be available to me, like "cupboard" or "brown" or the names of my friends, children and family.  I don't mean they're forever gone, they just hover over me while I'm talking...just out of reach and incredibly annoying.   My thinking processes aren't suffering, but the tools to share the processes really seem to be inaccessible sometimes, and I hate having to say (as I do and often) "Damn, I know that word!"

David often props me up by telling me that the same thing is happening to him but his self-confidence beats mine, and sadly, I find myself annoyed with this lovely person who is so supportive, but so far from where I am in the descent into the golden age.

Anyway, if I've seemed invisible to you, it's all about me.  Not you.