Sunday 25 August 2019

When things don't work the way you planned

I don't carry around big heavy things anywhere; I only do half or less of the cooking; I take pretty good care of the house, David and my self, and rejoice in the strength I have for my age. So I was really pissed when I was not well yesterday, and it carried over to today.

Emma Spinney
Emma
Today is the Ottawa Pride Parade, which I have walked in every year since 2007, and many of those years with one of my daughters, and as years went on, with my great or grand-daughters, most lately with Emma, one of my grand-daughters. Today I wasn't well enough to go.

Except for the 40 some years I daily took anti-depressant medication, I have always been a big laughing and a big crying person and today, having to miss walking in the Ottawa Pride Parade, I've been surprising myself with the grief I feel at being home, not dressed  as I usually would be during Ottawa Pride, in something covered in gender-diversity buttons and ribbons, but in some ordinary pants and shirt without a single rainbow in the room, other than the tattooed one on my right wrist, and crying whenever I see Facebook posts of today's Capital Pride Parade.

I tried to keep my spirits up by watching a movie I'd always remembered as a joyful one, which shows how wrong we can be about our attempts to beat sadness when we're not working from a solid happy place.  La La Land, the movie, had always made me think about how many ways there are to manage your life to be happy but today it reminded me of how hard it is sometimes to let go of the choices that, in later sight, could have been made better.

This is not a place where I want to be today.

Dave, wine and chocolate, here I come.
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6 comments:

  1. Stubblejumpers Cafe25 August 2019 at 20:27

    Awww, sorry you're missing the parade and feeling low, Lorna.
    xoxo
    Kate

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    Replies
    1. Lorna's other, not better, half25 August 2019 at 22:38

      Thanks. I'll be over this tomorrow. I kind of feel like I was when I was a kid and just hung around pouting if things didn't go right.

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  2. Anonymous26 August 2019 at 12:32

    I tried to comment yesterday, and apparently it didn't work. So you're not the only one who goes through posting woes.

    I'm very sorry you didn't get to participate in that, I know it means quite a bit to you. I completely understand about the wine and chocolate, had some myself last night :-) the chocolate I have here is magic chocolate. I get to sleep pretty fast after having some.0




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  3. Anvilcloud26 August 2019 at 13:03

    Frustrations of aging. Just this morning as I navigated upstairs, I couldn't decide which was hurting more -- ankle, knee or unmentionable.

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  4. Lorna's other, not better, half26 August 2019 at 13:30

    So sorry you have that kind of pain. I have to admit I am glad we decided to move into a place with no stairs.

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  5. Jay2 September 2019 at 20:32

    I'm sorry you were feeling poorly and hope you have had many good days since. A parade is one day of the year - you can go on feeling proud all year long though.

    ReplyDelete

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