Whomped !

Dave and I moved out of a large house about ten years ago, and I remember the feeling, both proud and fearful, as we made choices of things we would take with us to our one-bedroom apartment, and what we would try to make our kids take, and what would go to the Sally-Ann, and what would just wait for the next garbage day.

 I seldom miss those things but today I had taken on a project to look at photos that we would remove from  their frames and scan for our Google Photos file, so I was faced with reminders of what used to be.

Not only did the photos remind me of how many shades of blonde hair I've gone through, how cute our kids were, and how Dave often seemed to be going somewhere on a bike, they showed me how differently our last house looked inside in comparison to our apartment today.  Our living room had mauve furniture in the living room, we had a turquoise table and chairs backed up by pale mauve walls in the dining room, and our kitchen was big and bright, home to a couch where I could entertain friends or read while I was making dinner, and where we had two oval glass tables side by side in front of  windows that we never covered with blinds or curtains.  And our bedroom was so white I can't imagine now how we ever got to sleep.

We made good take-advantage-of multiple-uses decisions, but most of furniture that is small seems to be brown, and we used yellow and orange cushions and wall-hangings to offset it. That works and I don't mean I'm sorry about the choices, but I found myself surprised with the nostalgia that hit me, even when I was standing in a turquoise bedroom.

Being incredibly lucky in life doesn't keep you from getting surprised by change. And now that I think about it, I should just be feeling grateful.

So here's how I'm feeling today

I'm feeling like an apprentice today.....an apprentice to the woman who cut my hair yesterday.  I asked her to give me a cut that was shaggy, and we agreed on a picture, the one on the left,  from a bunch of "best haircuts for older women" .  I felt quite comfortable with her; we talked about holidays and weather, and my new red boots.  Suddenly though, I realized that she had cut one of the sides very short, for which she looked as surprised as I did, apologized and told me she could make it work.

Once your hair is gone there isn't much point in getting all upset, and hair does grow back in, so I just waited till it was finished, paid up and headed for home with very much shorter, not shaggy but still thick hair.

I wasn't surprised last night to find myself in the bathroom with two pairs of scissors and a couple of mirrors, and since then I've been sneaking in there to snip at this bit and that, and here is the apprentice's shaggy product.

I'm giving myself an 8 and a half out of 10

Why I might be down in the gym

Somehow, without much discussion over it, Dave and I have decided to take a longish vacation in the late summer.  Look at the photos here and you'll see one of the reasons why we're going to finish our trip in France, after time in Wales, southern England and Holland.

This time, we're going to arrange for apartments at three different places, renting a car locally, and spending about 10 days in each region. Dave and I have some same and some different interests, and this allows us to stay in the small towns we're choosing to live in, or to take a day or two and visit a number of places in the area together. For getting from one area to another, we're also counting on using rail (which we understand is quite pleasant) instead of having long drives from one country to another.

I've been having some pain in my legs, which I hope is due to the fact that I've been out walking much less than I usually do...I'm blaming that on the weather. I'm not fond of a treadmill, but in other years I've had some tolerance for the elliptical thing, so I'm telling myself that I'm going to start that tomorrow.  I hope I only tell myself once before I actually get on there, and going public is maybe a way to give me the push I need. I definitely want to be as comfortable walking around as I was the last time we traveled.

Anyway, I'm finding this plan important and exciting.

Learning through Singing

For the last couple of weeks I have been singing, in my head, a line from a very unusual love song I like by the Civil Wars, one of my favourite groups.  The line I have been repeating ad nauseam, is this

 "Oh, I wish I never ever seen your face
I wish you were the one
Wish you were the one that got away"

The Civil Wars were a critically acclaimed American musical duo composed of Joy Williams and John Paul White, and if you've never heard them, I highly recommend you grab your earbuds.  They wrote wonderful music and then made it even better as they sang beautifully as well as redefined, for me anyway, how two people can make great music way better than you could imagine.

However, as so often, this is a post about me.  As I said, I've been singing this line to myself almost continuously day and night since before Christmas, and although there are lots of other musical experts whose music I love, those words were caught in my brain, and were absolutely going nowhere else, or being shared with any other artists. And I must say that those words had nothing, repeat nothing, to do with my very satisfying relationship with Dave.

Yesterday though, I suddenly noticed that something had changed in my head, and  strangely enough I was singing, 

 "Oh, I wish I never ever seen your face
I wish you were the one
Wish I were the one that got away"

A very subtle difference isn't it?  Probably nothing to it, but it has led me to bookmark this:

self-love

Dictionary result for self-love

/ˈˌself ˈləv/

noun

1. regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).

In which I really open up

I have been finding myself bored lately.  How does a person who can do whatever she wants end up bored?

I'm assuming that at least part of this has to do with the kind of on-and-off pain that is quite normal for my age, and that some of it has to do with the very cold weather we've had for the last few weeks. But as well, something has been keeping me in our house. 

I have books galore, access to my computer, phone and tablet at any time, lots of great music I can listen to, a huge new TV  and a comfy chair to watch it from.  More importantly I have a warm and caring family and most luckily, a husband who is always ready to talk or not talk, eat or not eat, go out or not go out.  So there's nothing here that helps me to understand why I have become a house mouse.

If I really start to think about this, I realize that my relationship with the community at large has changed a lot.  I used to be very involved as a volunteer, and in some cases, a leader.  Then, a few years ago, when I'd had a down and out hollering match with someone who preferred that I be a yes-person, I decided that I could continue to support the LGBTQ2 community online rather than make worse a friendship that was connected to that support.  I thought the change has been working, but it's not the same. I miss seeing those people. And I miss the meetings, the planning, the goal-reaching and the warmth.

Knowing this and after talking with Dave and other friends, I've reached out to a couple of groups I used to be part of, and sadly, they haven't replied. I'm in a quandary because I'm not sure if I'm disappointed or if I'm relieved.

Upcoming.....

It's very difficult, given that it's -17 degrees Celsius in Ottawa, not to write about the weather, but I'm succeeding.

Here we are well into January and Dave and I are realizing that if we were to take a trip this year, we should be planning it now.  I can't help but think of France as the perfect choice, but given that we were there for quite a while, two years ago, maybe we should choose a different destination. NOOOOOOOO, I want to go back to France.  Stay tuned.

Things not to think about

Today is so cold that I can't even stay near the windows.  Our windows face north and it's strange to see so few people on the sidewalks.  Nonetheless, I keep being drawn to look outdoors.

One of the things I saw today when shivering at the living room window was a small fat animal which I have to conclude was a rat. 

He was scurrying, but I couldn't figure out where he came from as none of the footprints leading up to the patio looked small enough.  I stood there trying to imagine how it got there, totally refusing to think that it might not have come from anywhere.  Maybe it lives somewhere closer to our front windows.

Well, some music would help.  I'm recommending "Here If You Listen", David Crosby, Michelle Willis, Becca Stevens and Michael League, and I'm drawn to that because Michelle Willis is a friend of our family who is talented and beautiful.