Learning through Singing

For the last couple of weeks I have been singing, in my head, a line from a very unusual love song I like by the Civil Wars, one of my favourite groups.  The line I have been repeating ad nauseam, is this

 "Oh, I wish I never ever seen your face
I wish you were the one
Wish you were the one that got away"

The Civil Wars were a critically acclaimed American musical duo composed of Joy Williams and John Paul White, and if you've never heard them, I highly recommend you grab your earbuds.  They wrote wonderful music and then made it even better as they sang beautifully as well as redefined, for me anyway, how two people can make great music way better than you could imagine.

However, as so often, this is a post about me.  As I said, I've been singing this line to myself almost continuously day and night since before Christmas, and although there are lots of other musical experts whose music I love, those words were caught in my brain, and were absolutely going nowhere else, or being shared with any other artists. And I must say that those words had nothing, repeat nothing, to do with my very satisfying relationship with Dave.

Yesterday though, I suddenly noticed that something had changed in my head, and  strangely enough I was singing, 

 "Oh, I wish I never ever seen your face
I wish you were the one
Wish I were the one that got away"

A very subtle difference isn't it?  Probably nothing to it, but it has led me to bookmark this:

self-love

Dictionary result for self-love

/ˈˌself ˈləv/

noun

1. regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).

In which I really open up

I have been finding myself bored lately.  How does a person who can do whatever she wants end up bored?

I'm assuming that at least part of this has to do with the kind of on-and-off pain that is quite normal for my age, and that some of it has to do with the very cold weather we've had for the last few weeks. But as well, something has been keeping me in our house. 

I have books galore, access to my computer, phone and tablet at any time, lots of great music I can listen to, a huge new TV  and a comfy chair to watch it from.  More importantly I have a warm and caring family and most luckily, a husband who is always ready to talk or not talk, eat or not eat, go out or not go out.  So there's nothing here that helps me to understand why I have become a house mouse.

If I really start to think about this, I realize that my relationship with the community at large has changed a lot.  I used to be very involved as a volunteer, and in some cases, a leader.  Then, a few years ago, when I'd had a down and out hollering match with someone who preferred that I be a yes-person, I decided that I could continue to support the LGBTQ2 community online rather than make worse a friendship that was connected to that support.  I thought the change has been working, but it's not the same. I miss seeing those people. And I miss the meetings, the planning, the goal-reaching and the warmth.

Knowing this and after talking with Dave and other friends, I've reached out to a couple of groups I used to be part of, and sadly, they haven't replied. I'm in a quandary because I'm not sure if I'm disappointed or if I'm relieved.

Upcoming.....

It's very difficult, given that it's -17 degrees Celsius in Ottawa, not to write about the weather, but I'm succeeding.

Here we are well into January and Dave and I are realizing that if we were to take a trip this year, we should be planning it now.  I can't help but think of France as the perfect choice, but given that we were there for quite a while, two years ago, maybe we should choose a different destination. NOOOOOOOO, I want to go back to France.  Stay tuned.

Things not to think about

Today is so cold that I can't even stay near the windows.  Our windows face north and it's strange to see so few people on the sidewalks.  Nonetheless, I keep being drawn to look outdoors.

One of the things I saw today when shivering at the living room window was a small fat animal which I have to conclude was a rat. 

He was scurrying, but I couldn't figure out where he came from as none of the footprints leading up to the patio looked small enough.  I stood there trying to imagine how it got there, totally refusing to think that it might not have come from anywhere.  Maybe it lives somewhere closer to our front windows.

Well, some music would help.  I'm recommending "Here If You Listen", David Crosby, Michelle Willis, Becca Stevens and Michael League, and I'm drawn to that because Michelle Willis is a friend of our family who is talented and beautiful.

My first 2019 listing

Today, I have been thinking of  some things that have come into my life this past year that should have been there long ago:

• the ability to cut my own hair while I'm wearing it fairly short---when I wear it long, I've always been able to cut it myself, but having added some IKEA shelving with mirrors for doors, it's made short haircuts really easy
• the knowledge that any book I read more than 2 years ago is now eligible for thrilling me as easily as it did the first time
• those fairly expensive battery-run things that rub the dry skin off your feet really work
• there are actually mittens that can keep your hands warm outdoors; my Secret Santa gave me wonderful leather with lambswool lining that make it feel like May outdoors
• brioche.  I know I need say nothing unless you're a dedicated brown-bread eater
• carrying a small notebook around so that when I go in a store I know why I'm there or when I leave the house to visit someone I remember to pick up the bottle of wine
• alpaca wool socks....OM very G
• Malbec.  Thank you Sarah Rushton, I would never have found this on my own,  having had a preference for white wine
• Netflix....I had watched Dave following programs for which I thought I had no time, but since Chris gave us a huge TV as a gift this past year, I now watch more than most of the Star Treks, some CNN and The Rookie. I have to admit to loving Data even more when his face is about 3 feet, chin to slicked hair.
• Sleeping overnight at Emily's which led to our buying a brand new wonderful mattress

 I just went back and read the list, and I have to add, as something new, insight.  

Something you needn't know about me

Yesterday we spent all of the afternoon and some of the evening taking down our Christmas tree and other decorations, and as happens every year, I feel both sorry about it and eager to get it done.  As you may have noticed if you've come into our place, we have lots of cushions, glass bottles, bowls, kaleidoscopes, things that hang in the windows, others that sit on trunks and shelves and many lovely-shaped baskets full of other things that are also lovely but not necessarily useful.

While the Christmas lights, trees, wreaths, Santas, angels and crèches are in place, our other stuff has been taken down and settled in a big box in the locker, which is the same big box in which we have to later put all our Christmas stuff.

You can imagine it isn't really easy.  Nor is it necessary, but it is one of the few things that has us working together for hours. Twice, in 20 or so days. The only other thing I can think of that is similar in our lives is moving from one home to another, which we haven't done in the last 10 years.

Another part of "not easy" is that we tend to forget things, so this year, before we even started, I used my phone to take photos of the shelves in the living room and in the hallway so that we'd get things back right even if we couldn't remember all the details. I was so pleased with myself!

Then here's the thing I haven't wanted to share:  when I got my phone out to look at the photos, I could hardly see the detail because pictures on phones are pretty small.  I didn't even, not for a moment, think about using my huge computer screen.  I just stomped and felt foolish and did my best to work it out.

Please try to forget all I've just confessed.